Freak Out

Over the weekend I was feeling  bloated. More so that normal I thought that it would go away. This morning I was feeling better. I wasn’t really thinking and stepped on the scale. I almost had a heart attack. My weight shot up 8 lbs since last week. Freak out! No wonder I was having a problem with my clothes. Everything just seemed to be really tight the last few days. Even my new bra and panties.

I was planning on making changes to my eating at the end of the month but I think I better start today. Honestly, it scared me to see such a high number. It’s been a very long time since I was this heavy. I really don’t like it. I do like that I am able to eat what I want, but I know I need to seriously start cutting back on the binges.

I’m going to plan out my meals for the week and tomorrow will do some prep work. Cook some meats and have a salad ready. I have to cut out the corn, rice, ice cream and cookies. I know those items are not good for me. I get so bloated and gassy. I know we need carbs, but I think I am having way too many. I only want carby foods. I am not craving any vegetables or meats or dairy. I want fries, onion rings, chicken strips, wings, etc. All the fast foods that I can make at home. Somehow I need to change this.

I was thinking that maybe if I was to find healthy premade meals that I can grab and heat. That might help? Not those crappy TV dinners, but the better options. I guess I could make them I just don’t want to cook. I wish I could afford to have someone help me with all of this. Would be great to have a food coach.

Well, today I start the next step.

Binging

I have been binging again. *sigh* I am trying not to eat so much, but I am hungry. I think I might b eating out of boredom.

My newest addiction is Costco chocolate chip cookies. We bought the big box of bake at home cookies. I’m been having 2 cookies and a scoop of ice cream every night for the past week. Last night I finally said no to the ice cream and only had one cookie. Reasons for this, the ice cream was causing a lot of gas and some IBS pain and the second cookie wasn’t needed. I was satisfied with just one cookie. Yay! for me.

I did give in and step on the scale this morning. I thought  I would be upset about the number, but I wasn’t. I had really thought I gained a lot of weight but only 2 lbs. I have been feeling bloated, that is why I wanted to weigh in. See if it was weight gain or just bloating. I plan to put the scale away at the end of this month. I’ve decided that September 1st I will start paying more attention to my food. Until then I am still eating and binging on what my body is craving.

I can’t seem to get over my need for cheerios. What is it about them?? Seriously??!! I can eat them all the time and any time. I tried some harvest crunch, but it’s not the same and it gave me gas and a rumbly tummy. Not sure what to do with it now that I am pretty sure I can’t eat it.

For the most part, I think my binges have slowed down. I’m not craving everything anymore. This is a learning process. I did feel some sadness about gaining weight. But I am dealing with those feelings. There is no reason to feel guilt for enjoying my food.

 

Underwear Shopping

I went shopping! It felt amazing! I haven’t enjoyed shopping in years, decades in fact! I went into a lingerie shop, took my time and bought new bras and panties. Expensive but it was worth it. I think I hated shopping for underwear because I always bought cheap stuff and the wrong size.

Seeing the size label was just as bad as the number on the scale. It was society telling me that I am fat. If the label was a Large it was still ok, but today I bought undies in aL, XL and XXL. I was a bit surprised but it sure made a difference on how they fit. I think it also depends on the fabrics and style.

I bought 3 thongs!! Hahaha! I can’t believe I bought them. The last time  wore a thong was in my 20’s. I hated them. So, I decided I will try again. I hope that I will like them. Guess I will find out.

I have come to a decision, I will not be buying cheap underwear ever again. No more walmart packs. Also I am not a one size fits all woman. I have all sorts of sizes. My jeans vary from a size 6 to a 14. Tops are M-XL. Dresses have stayed the same usually 10-12. But, again I am not a number!

I have put my scale away again. Been 4 days now that I haven’t weighed myself. It’s a hard habit to break. But I will break it, damnit!

 

Set Point

I’m learning and trying to find my set point weight. What is it? no idea. I know that I am still over eating on some things. And I have gained weight. I feel bloated. But That is my fault for eating the wrong foods. I’m hoping that I don’t gain more. I don’t want to buy all new clothes.

Today I am starting to watch what I eat. I think I am starting to recognize my hunger cues. Something that I lost years ago. I’m still enjoying my Cheerios… LoL I find that they give me that sweet treat that I want.

I also did a workout. Just simple stuff to see what level I am at. Not going to push it. If I do, I will not enjoy doing it.

Other than that, I am feeling pretty good today. My mood is happy.