6 months

I want to share this with others that are struggling like I have.
I went on my first diet when I was 13. All through my life I have been on the diet roller coaster. Always watching what I eat. Counting calories, fats, carbs. Making sure I drank lots of water. Giving up foods I loved. I did so many fad diets and I did lose weight but I also gained it back time and time again. The last 12 years I have been doing low carb, then I switched to keto about 3 years ago. I have kept my weight off but it has been a struggle to maintain it. Giving up a lot of happiness.
Six months ago I quit keto. I had enough. I was miserable. I thought that maybe I could start calorie counting again. I did some searching online and found a blog that was about intuitive eating. I was curious. I found myself going down the rabbit hole. A week later I crawled out of that hole and was ready to let go of dieting. I was afraid but excited. My first want…Cheerios. Which I binged on for about 2 months every day a bowl or two. And from there I went on to binge on all the foods I hadn’t let myself eat in years. I found out that some of the foods that I wanted and had missed for so many years, didn’t really taste as good as I remembered.
I was so scared that I would gain a ton of weight but I had told myself that it’s ok if I do, that my body will settle down at the weight it needs to be at.
It took some time. Five months to get to a set point with my weight. I had gained 12 lbs in total. I went up a size in my clothing, not a big deal. I am still eating my cheerios whenever I want them.
Anyways, here comes Christmas. This is why I wanted to share. I have always been unhappy when Christmas happens. All the foods that I couldn’t eat. All the diet talk. All the bullshit that goes with it. Well, this year I have been so happy. I love baking and cooking again. I’ve made so many Christmas treats it’s ridiculous! The best part, I don’t feel like I need to eat it all up just because it’s here. I have finally found peace with food. It doesn’t control me anymore. I will never go on a diet again.
It took me 41 years to learn that diets don’t work and that I have an eating disorder and body issues.
I am still learning everyday what my body needs. But everyday I am also learning to love my body and who I am. The road to recovery is worth it.
I have left out a lot of details to keep this short. Otherwise this would be a mile long post.
If you are struggling with your diet, I am happy to talk about what I have been doing. Or you can google intuitive eating. You might end up down the same rabbit hole..LOL
But for now, I will fill my glass with wine, I will enjoy those Christmas cookies and wish the best to all of you in the New Year and for those that are starting a new diet, good luck, I am so glad I dont have to do that anymore!

Christmas Baking

This will be the first time in about 12 years that I am baking like I did long ago. Way before all the fake ingredients started showing up on store shelves. I’m using real sugar, butter, corn syrup, white flour, brown sugar, marshmallows, etc.

I’ve have 2 days of baking and really enjoyed doing it. To go back to all those old recipes and recall the memories of baking with mom and with my kids. Its been good for the soul. I know I can eat all of it and enjoy it without the guilt.

I used to binge on all the Christmas goodies or I just wouldn’t have them in the house. So far, I have had a chocolate every couple days, a cookie a few times a week. I’m really not feeling that desperate need to eat what I see. I feel that I have some control. I know there will be foods that I haven’t had in a long time that I might want more of, but I feel that I can have less and not need to binge.

This season will be so relaxed. No dieting! No family dinner where health talk is a big topic. We have decided not to go the big family dinner. Only half the family is vaccinated. I have MCTD, so I am taking no risks of getting covid. We have the kids and Mom coming for Christmas Eve dinner.  Making home made pizza…yum! the rest of the holidays will just be hubby and me and the dog.

Jeans

I finally bought new jeans. I did make a mistake and shop with mom. I know I should shop alone when buying clothes. But its ok. This time I did buy what I liked. I usually buy second hand jeans at thrift shops or I will buy really cheap jeans from Old Navy or Costco.

I decided that it was time to buy better quality. I went to Mark’s and tried on a few different brands and landed on Silver jeans. So comfy. Plus they had a 34 inseam. I hate short jeans. I had a hard time saying yes to the jeans but then I saw 40% off and I did it. Still, 75.00 is way more than I normally pay. I try to stay under 30.00 whenever  I can. After that we stopped at Wearhouse One. I found jeans here too. These are a relaxed straight leg and a 35 inseam! I was thrilled. 30% off and I only spent 43.00.

I wore both jeans at home to see if I liked them. The Wearhouse jeans are really nice. I even went for a walk and loved that I didn’t have to pull them up in the back when I had to tie my shoe. They stayed put. I will be keeping them. The Silver jeans were a problem. I was feeling guilty over spending the money.  I wore them around the house and after the inner turmoil I finally pulled off the tags and said I am keeping them. Done.

I wont need new jeans for a long time. Now I just need some nice looking tops. Not just T-shirts. Think I will go to the Mall next week.

Hiccup

I had a slight hiccup on Saturday. I was feeling anxious about my weight. I was worried that I gained again. I felt so bloated and had eaten a bit too much. I fretted for 3 hours and then decided to weigh myself. What a relief! I hadn’t gained any weight and was 1 pound less. I’m glad that my weight is stable.  With Christmas coming I am a little worried about all the yummy foods.

It will be the first time in about 10 years that I will be allowing myself to eat real treats. I plan to bake cookies using real ingredients. No replacements or subbing out my sugars. Just using what the recipes call for. Regular flour, not almond. Real sugar, not splenda or stevia.

Maybe I will share some of my recipes.