I went on my first diet when I was 13. I did it because the kids at school made fun of me. Saying I was fat. I was not fat, I was fully developed. I was 5’7, 130 lbs and a size 36C. I was perfect. I just didn’t see it. I worked hard to lose the weight. I lost 15 lbs. Grade 8 and I looked fantastic. Suck it! all you skinny flat chested bitches!
Nothing had changed. Well almost nothing. Instead of being told I was fat, I was now a slut. The girls called me a slut because my body was hot and the boys all loved it. I had done nothing to deserve the title of “slut” After 6 months I said “fuckit, I am gonna own it.” And I did. I tease the boys and made sure that the girls felt like shit and I was stealing their men. Mind you, doing this came with a lot of down sides.
Anyways, that was the start of my long path of diets. I can only remember a few times that I wasn’t on a diet. When I was pregnant, both times I ate whatever I wanted. On vacations, And when I finally thought I was secure in a relationship. What a crazy thought that was! So 40 years later…
The last 10 years I have sort of maintained my weight doing lowcarb/keto. I gave up all grains, fruits some veggies and all the processed foods. The past year I have been so unhappy with it. I got to a point of eating meat and a veggie nothing else. I actually gained weight. I have been miserable. Then I saw an ad on instagram scroll thru my feed. “Hey what is that?” I took a look and saw the words “intuitive eating”, “What the fuck is that?” I switch over to google and did a search. I was intrigued.
The next few days I did a lot of reading and searching. Then I did some thinking. It took a bit for me to let it all sink in. Then it hit me. I can be free! I don’t have to be on a diet. I can eat what I want, ( within my IBS list). The next day I started. It wasn’t easy. I have been reading labels for 20 years! Counting carbs, fats, calories. I had to let go of that. (I was the food police!)
Fast forward, It’s been a month and I do look at the labels, but not for the counts only the ingredients to make sure there is nothing in it that will give me a flare up. IBS pain is serious stuff. But I want to share something else. Last night, wait, first off I have been eating whatever I want and loving it. But last night was the first time I actually wanted to eat healthy!! I, my body, wanted a salad and veggies with my chicken salad on a low carb bagel and a slice of hubby’s flatbread. HAHAHA! I had absolutely enjoyed my dinner and with no guilt! I even had some pickled beets! Something I avoided because of all the sugar.
And another thing! I woke up Monday morning not thinking about having to start my diet over because I cheated on the weekend!(I had beer and pizza!) No GUILT! I love this! It has freed me from being a diet slave.