My Diet History

I went on my first diet when I was 13. I did it because the kids at school made fun of me. Saying I was fat. I was not fat, I was fully developed. I was 5’7, 130 lbs and a size 36C. I was perfect. I just didn’t see it. I worked hard to lose the weight. I lost 15 lbs. Grade 8 and I looked fantastic. Suck it! all you skinny flat chested bitches!

Nothing had changed. Well almost nothing. Instead of being told I was fat, I was now a slut. The girls called me a slut because my body was hot and the boys all loved it. I had done nothing to deserve the title of “slut” After 6 months I said “fuckit, I am gonna own it.” And I did. I tease the boys and made sure that the girls felt like shit and I was stealing their men. Mind you, doing this came with a lot of down sides.

Anyways, that was the start of my long path of diets. I can only remember a few times that I wasn’t on a diet. When I was pregnant, both times I ate whatever I wanted.  On vacations, And when I finally thought I was secure in a relationship. What a crazy thought that was! So 40 years later…

The last 10 years I have sort of maintained my weight doing lowcarb/keto. I gave up all grains, fruits some veggies and all the processed foods. The past year I have been so unhappy with it. I got to a point of eating meat and a veggie nothing else. I actually gained weight. I have been miserable. Then I saw an ad on instagram scroll thru my feed. “Hey what is that?” I took a look and saw the words “intuitive eating”, “What the fuck is that?” I switch over to google and did a search. I was intrigued.

The next few days I did a lot of reading and searching. Then I did some thinking. It took a bit for me to let it all sink in. Then it hit me. I can be free! I don’t have to be on a diet. I can eat what I want, ( within my IBS list). The next day I started. It wasn’t easy. I have been reading labels for 20 years! Counting carbs, fats, calories. I had to let go of that. (I was the food police!)

Fast forward, It’s been a month and I do look at the labels, but not for the counts only the ingredients to make sure there is nothing in it that will give me a flare up. IBS pain is serious stuff. But I want to share something else. Last night, wait, first off I have been eating whatever I want and loving it. But last night was the first time I actually wanted to eat healthy!! I, my body, wanted a salad and veggies with my chicken salad on a low carb bagel and a slice of hubby’s flatbread. HAHAHA! I had absolutely enjoyed my dinner and with no guilt! I even had some pickled beets! Something I avoided because of all the sugar.

And another thing! I woke up Monday morning not thinking about having to start my diet over because I cheated on the weekend!(I had beer and pizza!) No GUILT! I love this! It has freed me from being a diet slave.

Cheerios

I have been dieting, watching my weight since I was 14. I’m 53, you do the math. In that time I have gone from 120 lbs to 200 and everywhere in between. The last 5 years I have been fluctuating between 150 and 165. I’m happy at 150 but it’s so difficult to stay there.

Two weeks ago I gave up my keto eating plan. I do enjoy all the meat and fat, but it’s just not working anymore. Everything was becoming boring and I had hit a dead end with finding new recipes that I enjoyed. I did a bit of research to see what I could change. I do need to watch some of the things I eat. I have IBS and am lactose intolerant and have a wheat allergy.  When looking at eating plans, most of them are low calorie, low fat or low carb. Then I found something about intuitive eating. I started reading about it. The more I read, the more I like the sound of it.

So, 2 weeks in and I am eating cheerios every day. Sometimes it’s breakfast, lunch and desert. hahaha! I know! Crazy right? I bought lactose free 2% milk and have been enjoying my cheerios. Damn tasty!!

I know that this journey is going to take some time. I know I will gain weight. I’m ok with this. I would rather gain a few pounds than to deprive my body of what it wants. Now, just to be clear, I am not going to go eating all those so-called bad foods. But I will indulge from time to time. You bet I will go to the pub and have that burger and beer. Or have a donut or two. It’s all a matter of knowing what the body wants and what it actually needs. I do know that ice cream is a killer for my tummy. I love it but I do not love running to the toilet an hour later. I am also a bread lover, it doesn’t love me. Talk about major bloat, gas and intestinal pain!

Intuitive eating means you listen to your body. Figure out what your body wants, what makes you happy. It will take time. I’m ok with that. I just want to stop dieting, thinking of food 24 hours a day and worrying about how much I weigh.

I am going to continue with this new path and see where it goes.